Hi.
I’ve documented time and again in this space that not getting enough sleep sucks. I’m too lazy to link to it right now, so you’re just going to have to trust me. I’m too lazy because two nights ago the Insomnia Monster snuck up on me and walloped me over the head with no warning and I have no idea why. Two nights ago, I got about three hours of sleep before waking at 3:00 am for good. Well, I got back to sleep at about 6:30 before my son woke me at 7:30 to show me the cash left by the Tooth Fairy. And then I went back to sleep between 8:00 and 9:30 after my husband got up. I’m sure these details are important.
Last night I was exhausted when I went to bed … and I stayed awake. There’s a possibility that I dozed off sometime between 1:30 and 3:30, but that’s it. That’s it, people. And now I’m at work and not quite functioning. I will look back at this post sometime in the future and probably paste a note to the top of my computer monitor reminding me to never again write while delirious with exhaustion. But we’re here now, aren’t we?
I have to be at work today because I only worked one day last week after school was canceled for four straight days due to weather / natural gas shortages. My office was closed for three of those days and the fourth I got to take as “vacation.” But now I’m way behind on a number of things and yet here I am, at work and not working. I have a conference call in 3.5 hours and I’m desperately trying to keep the stuff I read this morning in my head so that I can regurgitate it on the call.
Anyway, I have some parenting advice. If you have a kid, never let that kid know what a “birthday” is, or at least conceal the fact that people celebrate them with cake and parties. Because otherwise the following might happen: Your kid might insist on carrot cake cupcakes for school, which you don’t know how to make. So you’ll try to make them the day before his birthday and acknowledge your failure as you pull half-burned, half-bubbling masses of shit-flavored lava in muffin tins from the oven. (I now hate you, Ina Garten.) So then you’ll panic and go to the cupcake store and buy really expensive, professional cupcakes. And then when THE NEXT THREE DAYS of school are cancelled due to snow/freezing temps, you’ll realize that the spendy cupcakes won’t last until school resumes on Monday. So you’ll have to give those cupcakes away to your spouse’s office staff and then buy MORE cupcakes on Sunday and then deliver them to school on Monday. A day you probably shouldn’t be doing any extra driving anyway because you’re so damn tired because you haven’t slept for the preceding two nights. My point is, tell your kid that birthdays are to be spent in quiet meditation and solitude.
Anyway, I have some parenting advice. If you have a kid, never let that kid know what a “birthday” is, or at least conceal the fact that people celebrate them with cake and parties. Because otherwise the following might happen: Your kid might insist on carrot cake cupcakes for school, which you don’t know how to make. So you’ll try to make them the day before his birthday and acknowledge your failure as you pull half-burned, half-bubbling masses of shit-flavored lava in muffin tins from the oven. (I now hate you, Ina Garten.) So then you’ll panic and go to the cupcake store and buy really expensive, professional cupcakes. And then when THE NEXT THREE DAYS of school are cancelled due to snow/freezing temps, you’ll realize that the spendy cupcakes won’t last until school resumes on Monday. So you’ll have to give those cupcakes away to your spouse’s office staff and then buy MORE cupcakes on Sunday and then deliver them to school on Monday. A day you probably shouldn’t be doing any extra driving anyway because you’re so damn tired because you haven’t slept for the preceding two nights. My point is, tell your kid that birthdays are to be spent in quiet meditation and solitude.
I’m having another cup of coffee now, which is sure to screw up any chance of sleeping tonight. All of those insomnia websites tell you to either cut out caffeine completely or limit yourself to no more than two cups of coffee a day and don’t drink any caffeine after 10:00 am. Reee-dick! If I didn’t sleep because of the insomnia, how am I to function during the parts of the day when most people are awake and expecting me to do things? And a new problem: I learned last night that Unisom makes me feel like I’m going to stop breathing at any minute. So that’s not good. The Benadryl / Simply Sleep products do nothing for me. I had an Ambien script last year, but that’s all gone now because my husband ended up taking half of it himself and there is a 60-90 day wait to get an appointment with my primary care doc.
Speaking of health care, yesterday I felt really smart because I spent my time on the elliptical machine at the gym watching C-SPAN testimony about the health care legislation instead of crap TV. The bad news was that after doing that, I became ever more convinced that the individual mandate just isn’t going to fly. But then I started to wonder whether the Obama team knew that to begin with and just put it in there to appease the health insurance companies, and they’re hoping that if the individual mandate is unconstitutional, it will be surgically (heh) removed and the rest of the legislation will stand. And I don’t know how I feel about that, except that I wish we had single payer.
Wait, what was I saying?
If it would make you feel better, please know that I hate Ina Garten too. she makes baking and caking seem like the simplest thing on earth to do and I absolutely hate her for that. 'cos her recipes never ever turn out the way she makes them look - not simple, not edible.
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I hope you have a hearty good night's sleep today. sleep tight.
I remember my last bout with insomnia well. One well meaning person stopped me on the way out of the office before saying "Are you okay?"
ReplyDeleteI had the urge to tell her I was not okay. That two hours of sleep, if I was lucky, was not enough to run a life on, that I felt lost and exhausted and incapable of teaching the next student anything worthwhile.
Instead I dragged up a grimace and said "Fine, you?"
I sympathise with this so much. I hope sleep returns soon.
girl, do you live inside my brain? (except for the part about Ina, I love her and all her fake-easy recipes and fake-straight husband.) sorry about the lack of zzzz's holy shit have I been there. I am currently on some kind of forced insomnia, where I simply don't go to be until almost midnight. it is, in a word, fucked and shows in my skin, attitude, and inability to be on time to work. you gotta get some Ambien, that will get you back on track. AND that b.s. about caffeine, I thought it was 3PM cut-off. go with that.
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