Why XY?

Okay another one.

This will be a quick little review because time is short, but I just finished reading Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.D.   I have an almost-seven-year-old boy, and how we educate and raise kids today fascinates me.   Seeing how my son reacts to traditional public school has been interesting and, if I’m being honest, a little worrying.

But then again, I’m a worrier.

This book starts out with all sorts of mind-blowing information – like the fact that boys don’t hear as well as girls, physiologically, and since the overwhelming majority of teachers are women who typically speak at a lower volume than men, it’s no wonder that boys seem like they’re not paying attention or getting frustrated easily.  Boys and girls use very different parts of their respective brains to do the same task.  School-aged boys typically retain completely different sorts information from reading fiction than girls. I was eating this stuff up.

But things go downhill. Pretty early on, the author notes that he’s talking about “typical” males – males who like more physical play and engage in risky behavior and relish competition.  Every time the author mentions this, he assures the reader that if this isn’t what your son is like, be patient, because he’s going to discuss this in Chapter 9.  Chapter 9.  All will be revealed in Chapter 9.  As it turns out, my son is pretty risk-averse and calm, and doesn’t really like the idea of winners and losers, so bring on Chapter 9, I thought.

Chapter 9 is titled “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Sissy, and Tomboy.”  I laughed out loud when I reached it.  Way to break it to me gently, doc!   To be fair, the chapter discusses how boys who exhibit more “feminized” behavior won’t necessarily be gay, but the boy who is the captain of the football team could be.  But the chapter ends with the idea that boys who like to read a lot, who don’t like competitive sports, and who don’t have a pack of friends to hang out with are “geeks” and this is something to be worried about and try to correct early.

Because, you know, what meaningful contribution could a geek possibly make? Or a gay man?  Yes, let's "fix" this.  I won't rest until my son looks like this guy:

Also, there are lots of horror stories about early sexual behavior; drugs and alcohol; depressed, violent boys; and depressed, anorexic girls.

I guess what I’m saying is that he started off strong and then rapidly descended to a pearl-clutching Good Housekeeping article. 

But, you know, I’m glad I read it.  I'm sure I'll be forgiven if I’m not quite ready to FREAKOUT because my son doesn’t match a stereotype.